Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese last week announced a reshuffle of his frontbench, with key portfolio changes triggering a wave of conservative news outlets lambasting the party for perceived ‘internal conflict’.

Unlike the Coalition, who are quick to cut off disruptive backbenchers like they did with the Menzies pre-selection vote over the weekend, Albo is being criticised for weak leadership by journalists who loathe his party regardless of who is in charge.

Mr Albanese said the focal point of the reshuffle is about jobs and helping the country recover from the pandemic, as the Labor party continues to break through with middle Australian voters that may have been lost Bill Shorten’s policy overload during the 2019 Election campaign.

Chris Bowen will now be taking over the key climate change portfolio.Mr Bowen has been announced as Shadow Minister for Climate Change and Energy, taking over from long-serving climate spokesman Mark Butler, who had held the position since 2013, and has obviously spent too much time talking about how burning fossil fuels directly into the atmosphere might actually be fucking up our environment, and therefore left the party open for severe smear campaigns from the climate-denialist Murdoch media.

On top of Labor’s new ‘less woke’ frontbench, Albanese has also ruled that all party meetings will now be hosted in suburban Westfield car parks.

While Morrison continues his sporadic rural tours to cheerful agricultural towns that aren’t affected by drought or bushfires at this very minute, Albanese will be repositioning his party to appeal to the people who actually decide who wins a Federal Election.

Starting with his hometown Westfield Broadway in Sydney’s inner-west, Albo vows to continue the Labor Car Park tour further into Auburn and eventually Penrith.

“This reshuffle is about Australians getting the most out of Labor” Albanese said on Thursday last week.

“This is the strongest team to form an Albanese Labor Government.”

“And I want to give my front bench a taste of the working class life I have lived, and the voters we have forgotten”

“And I will do that by exposing them to average Australian voters that I have met while loitering around train stations and Westfields with my adlays”

“Together, with this new less woke frontbench, Labor will shank our opps until they are unresponsive”



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