Local bloke Kels Gibson (27) has well and truly blown the weekly budget out not even 24 hours since a fortnight’s wages landed in his bank account.

As the Range Safety Officer at Betoota Downs Rifle Club, Kels shares a similar weekend to your average hospitality workers – taking Mondays and Tuesdays off.

This is a dangerous combination, because pay day is Monday.

This means that on every second Monday – Kels potters down to the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club at around 2pm and drinks cold schooners of full strength lager schooners at an accelerating rate until he either convinces himself to go home and cook up a feed or he gets asked to leave by his mate Doosa who runs security.

This fortnightly blow-out is completely accounted for in Kels’ household budget. Complete with a reckless slap of the Landscaper’s Laptops and whatever mid-week greyhound race catches his eye.

However, what is not accounted for is the mindless wastage of a 50 grams of sweet Virginia tobacco that Kels woke up to this morning.

“FUCK!” shouted the mercilessly hungover bachelor.


Sitting before him, was yesterday’s payday pouch of Champion Ruby, which was thrown into the top loader washing machine with his jeans at 9pm last night after 9 schooners.

With the recent tax hikes on all tobacco products, Kels shakes in wounded rage as he stares at close to $100 bucks of water damaged nicotine.

This household item was expected to last the best part of this fortnight.

Now with a hangover that will be expecting to follow up this morning’s sausage McMuffin and extra large double shot cappuccino with a thinly rolled lung lolly, Kels has to improvise.

At time of press, he had the oven blaring at the never before seen low of 90 degrees celsius, as he attempted to dry out his new and improved COLD POWER flavoured tobacco.


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