ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Quiet Australians of our humbled inland port city have shared news that they’re simply getting on with their lives and that they’re not letting political games interfere with their own self-controlled destiny.

These developments are in-line with the Federal Government’s messaging, with Prime Minister Scott Morrison telling Sydney radio this morning that most people aren’t keeping tabs on what’s going on in Canberra.

“They just want to live their lives,” Morrison told a discarded beanbag in a chair that calls itself John Laws.

“Quiet Australians want less government in their lives, they want less rules, they don’t want to be told what to do. Well, we will tell them to get vaccinated and if they don’t, they’ll be going to secret gulags my government has set up under Pine Gap! [laughs] Just kidding, no, we just want to get on with our lives and live like it’s 2019,”

“And they know that only I can give that to them as a Prime Minister.”

Some gas escaped from the beanbag and then Mr Morrison took his chance to leave.

But many of the less Quiet Australians spoke to this masthead today in the cafe under the Daroo Street newsrooms.

Gary Taylor, a semi-retired pigeon trapper, told our reporter over an iced coffee that he’s been paying out the arse for his petrol and his groceries recently, which he thinks might have something to do with federal government policy.

“I’m finding it harder and harder to make ends meet,” he said.

“So much so, that I’m having to go back to selling pigeon meat. I’m selling the pigeon to other people who’re also having a hard time. Everything is so goddamn fucking expensive these days and my half-pension covers fuck all of it,”

“Why is everything more expensive? I need an answer from someone not wearing a suit on the television.”

More to come.


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