Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has stood frozen with guilt for close to five minutes, after catching a glimpse of his iconic leather jacket in the Point Piper walk-in wardrobe.

It is believed that the jacket was left out by former Sydney mayor and staunch LGBTI community advocate Lucy Turnbull, the wife, through law, of the Prime Minister.

“Honey. Ah.” says a rattled PM.

“Why is. This. Um”

As the tears well in his eyes, the Prime Minister is greeted by his wife, through law, Lucy Turnbull.

“I thought you might want to put this on, after the day you’ve had” she says.

“I know the real Malcolm is in there, you do too”

This particularly emotional scene in the Turnbull household comes after Liberal and National MPs this evening deciding a postal vote on marriage equality will be held before November.

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and Finance Minister Mathias Cormann announced the government’s plans for the postal vote at Parliament House today. Under the plan, the Australian Bureau of Statistics will be able to conduct the postal vote with assistance from Australian Electoral Commission officers – seeing how badly the online version of census fucked up.

Ballot papers would begin arriving in letter boxes in for every Australian on the electoral role by September 12. The question will be whether Australians believe the Marriage Act should be changed to allow same-sex couples to marry.

“I could have.. I could have done this years ag..” says a distraught Malcolm, his eyes still fixated on his favourite brown jacket from his 2010 appearance on Q&A.

“Why must so many people be hurt”

Lucy comforts the Prime Minister by informing him she has organised a door knock through Darlinghurst to apologise to each one of his close gay constituents and ex-colleagues tomorrow.


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