With an entire week of holidays remaining before she returns to work, 31-year-old Lisa Dowling has hit a real post-festive season low.

“I’ve put on four kilos and I haven’t stopped drinking since the AGM,”

“I really overdid it with the ham this year.. Not to mention the wine… I fucking hate this time of the year. Well, my body does anyway,”

While still relatively hungover and lethargic from a big Christmas hit-out with family and friends, Lisa is curled up on the couch in her small studio apartment.

Lisa is ready to make her first step towards a healthy 2017. Or at least a less-fat one.

With her laptop slowly overheating and causing potentially irreparable damage to her ovaries, Ms Dowling has started googling local 24-hour gyms, as well as general health and fitness information that people who are more motivated than her would probably read.

After 25 minutes, her Google search history is as follows:

How to lose weight without doing much

– Nearby gyms with pools

– Nearby gyms with pump

– Nearby gyms that guys go to

– Hot personal trainers

– Cheap personal trainers

– Boxing fitness

– Mark Wahlberg Boxing Training For Movie

– Mark Wahlberg Calvin Kleins

– Local Gyms

– Crossfit

– Normal Gyms

– Milkshake diet

– Healthiest eating disorders

– Local Thai Restaurants

– Healthiest Thai Food

– Thailand Holidays

After taking a short break from her new fitness regime to order 1 x large chicken pad thai, 1 x can of coke, 3 x curry puffs with extra sweet chilli sauce, Lisa says she can already tell that she is off to a good start in 2017.

“It’s only been a few days, but if I’m doing this stuff before I even get back to work, then I’m pretty sure I can keep it up over the year,”

“I’m not usually this proactive!”


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