8 December, 2015 15:05


It is believed that the Islamic State have claimed responsibility for a horrific series of crimes targeting innocent Australians in an array of capital cities over the last two weeks.

Hundreds of young Australians have been left injured and several dead as a result of the nonsensical attacks on civilians, with thousands calling in sick for work today and last monday.

In it’s eighth year of existence, the dangerous cult of Stereosonic has been at the centre of a major police crackdown in 2015.

Officers used drug sniffer dogs as thousands arrived, dressed in short shorts with fake tan smothered over illustrious body art in Melbourne’s Flemington, with 66 people arrested over a range of offences.

There was a similar police presence surrounding similar scenes of confusion and distress in Melbourne, South-East Queensland and Sydney over the last fortnight.

Unqualified and uninformed local white-middle-aged man by the name of Andy Bohlt, a resident guitarist from The Betoota Hotel, has addressed the claims of terrorism when asked for his volatile opinion this morning.

“It wouldn’t surprise me if this was an act of terrorism. I’ve never seen anything quite as truly horrific as a live electronic dance music set,”

“Not to mention the fucking outfits. What the fuck are these blokes wearing?”

“When has it ever been okay to dress like that? I mean the Mardi Gras is one thing, but I doubt even Sydney’s LGBTI community would fuck around with that much fake tan,”

Many political commentators are scepitcal of the Islamic State’s claims that they are behind the attacks on Australia, with many echoing the words of Channel Ten’s current affairs host Waleed Aly on The Project late last month.

“This is what ISIL do – they take credit for any act of terrorism on Western soil so they appear bigger and tougher than they actually are,” said the former lawyer and commentator, as he argued that ISIL’s stronghold is actually quite weak, but they constantly claim responsibility for every act of terror around the world.




Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here