Despite a comprehensive victory over the West Indies by an innings and 212 runs before tea on day three of the first Test in Hobart, local dad, John Pinnington says no current Australian cricketer is as talented, tough and as likeable as the 1970’s pace bowler Jeff Thomson.

“You lot wouldn’t know. When Lillee and Thommo were playing… It was a different game,” says the retired bricklayer.

“These little fairies wouldn’t know a real cricketer if he hit their chin at 166 kilometres per hour,”

With his sons visiting the family home over Christmas, Mr Pinnington has taken every opportunity possible to remind his children that Australian men are increasingly “soft”.

“It all started with Watson. Anyone who puts that much time into their hair isn’t taking their role seriously as an Australian cricketer,”

“Whatever happened to the mullet? Thommo knew a good haircut,”

As a former 2nd-grade cricketer from the Diamantina Shire, “Pinno” often goes as far as saying that even he would have been a better cricketer than the recently retired Australian captain, Michael Clarke.

“He was more caught up on his supermodel girlfriends and tattoos. Mate, in our day we would work 50 hour weeks and still leave the pub on Saturday night with straight tens,”

“I wouldn’t have looked twice at Lara Bingle in my day, she’s nothing compared your mother in her prime,”

“Thommo was a true cricketer, he made Rod Marsh’s fingers look like fucking twisties,”

“You blokes would never understand. The toughest bloke you’ve seen play is Mitchell Johnson… He’s a male nurse compared to Thommo,”

As Mr Pinnington’s rant continues to grow more aggressive and critical, his oldest son, Jeff, is forced to pull him into line and tell him to “give it a rest” – as his criticisms of Generation Y begin to borderline blatant homophobia.

“Homophobic!? I’m not fuckin’ homophobic. Back in my day the gays were ten times tougher than any of these little soft cocks running around in Armani suits,”

“Ian Roberts would smash that little Klemmer poof any day of the week,”


  1. This fastest ever bowler played his first Test with a broken toe thinking he would never get another chance for a Baggy Green if he fessed up!

  2. I watched Thommo and Lillie as a young kid. It inspired me to play cricket and play it to win just as they did.
    Men were men in that time and the west indies had some of the greats.
    Cricket now is becoming very uninteresting to me and i loved my cricket.
    Its like they are so controled on what to say and do that it is a relief ti see a bloke with some heart that gets into trouble for just being a typical young bloke.
    The thommo, Lillie, Marsh, walters, chappel Walker,Border,Redpath ,era was one that will always be the golden years of cricket to me.
    Aussie blokes playing a mans game.
    Today it trendy boys playing under the watchfull eyes of there sponsores and being politicaly correct is more important then being what they really are..


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