LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

In a last minute scramble to get in some summer holiday action, local family The Wainwrights, have packed up the car and set down the coast with a crudely drawn homemade number plate sticky taped to the bike rack, that was deemed ‘good enough’ by dad.

“It was my job to get everyone in the bloody car, it was KiriLee’s job to do the bloody number plate sign. It was 3pm, I wanted to be gone at 10am, so whatever, it’s good enough, let’s go already.”

After packing their 2005 Toyota Estima full of suitcases, towels, food and half inflated beach toys, father of five Richard Wainwright went red in the face trying to attach the tow ball bike rack to the rear of his well-worn family car.

Reports from his wife, children and neighbour Doreen, state at one point he threw the bike rack across the yard, exclaiming loudly he wasn’t looking forward to the holiday while simultaneously claiming this is why he needed one.

By the time the bike rack was installed and precariously fitted with one bike more than the manufacturer recommends, wife and mother of five Julie ‘Jules’ Wainwright pointed out the rear number plate was now obscured.

It was at this point Richard Wainwright demanded middle daughter Kiri-Lee Wainwright (9), create a replica of her family car’s number plate with a black connector pen and the cardboard side of an uneaten box of Sultana Bran.

“She drew all these love hearts around it but it will have to do.”

Wainwright states while he is mildly concerned as to the legal grey area he has entered with his homemade number plate, he says he has other things he needs to focus on.

“I used the last of the sticky tape putting it on so it better stay on or it’s gone. Doesn’t fucking matter though because the amount of shit in this car I’m not going to be able to get over 70 ks anyway. What kind of asshole is going to pull me over for that?”

“Lyndon is worried about his bike falling off and bouncing onto the highway which is bullshit because he’s not the one who paid for it and he’s not the one who has to buy him a new one when it does happen!”

“And Jules has already fed them lunch so we’re not getting bloody Maccas! If Lachlan asks one more time…Fuck I need this holiday.”



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