27 September, 2016. 14:15


Hillsong, the fastest-growing church in Australia is in damage control today, following the news that their posterchild, Gold Coast Titans star Jarryd Hayne is reportedly having a baby with a 25-year-old ‘friend’ named Amellia Bonnici.

Brian Houston, founder and lead pastor of the church says Jarryd Hayne’s alleged sex before marriage can be easily explained through religion.

He says that the woman that Hayne has been close friends with since they met through the social media app Instagram in 2015, has actually been impregnated by God.

“We often say this, in our sermons,”

“Christ has come, Christ has risen, Christ will come again. Well, he’s coming back by the looks of it,”

“Jarryd has always been a devout follower of our brand of fast food evangelicalism. He has consistently paid us 10% of his annual income and for that, his sins should be forgiven. He is a good boy now”

“Ever since he got shot at in Kings Cross, he’s been a good boy. A part from the bikie thing a few weeks back…”

“I seriously doubt he has actually been ‘doing it’ with this woman. It makes perfect sense that God would choose a follower of our religion, and a superstar rugby league player to raise his next son,”

The news, initially reported in New Idea magazine, claims the former Parramatta Eels, San Francisco 49ers and Fiji rugby sevens player is living with Bonnici in his Gold Coast apartment.

This comes a month after the star fullback compared his struggles with bad press to that of Jesus Christ, his unborn child’s half-brother.

“You do read articles and get upset and want to get fired up. When you read the bible you realise everyone hated Jesus.” he said
“You’ve got to put that in perspective and realise how much he stood up and was still him. He could have easily lost the plot and lost his shit but he kept it together.”
However, it seems God might be willing to give him another chance, with the news that his ‘close friend’ and housemate has been chosen by the Lord for immaculate conception, a journey that will most likely see Hayne step into the role of earth-father.
This is great news for Hayne, who’s career was again under the spotlight following his post season celebrations, when he was filmed handing over $5k cash to known bikie affilates. 



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