The Australian Greens have come a long way since Bob Brown decided to take a merry gang of Melbourne yuppies on a convoy up to Central Queensland to lose the election for Bill Shorten in 2019 – as the party moderates itself into into a force to be reckoned with in Parliament House.

After spending 30 years running self-defeatists campaigns that could only capture the vote of the 0.005% of the nation that agrees with every single one of their very broad range of policies, the Greens are now acutely aware that the more relatable language and commentary used by their Queensland candidates is the reason they cleaned up at the 2022 Federal Election.

As Scott Morrison was thrown out of power, Greens leader Adam Bandt cheered home a “greenslide” – with the party recording its best ever election result – with Queensland voters quadrupling their number of MPs in Federal Parliament.

The Greens not only held Bandt’s own seat of Melbourne, they also took the light industrial South Brisbane seat of Griffith from Labor’s Terri Butler, they then took the semi-rural West Brisbane seat of Ryan from the Liberals, and the inner-city Queensland seat of ‘Brisbane’ from the Liberals as well.

The Greens also cleaned up in the senate, as it becomes clear that even everyday suburban Australians are so terrified by recurring floods and bushfires that they are no-longer susceptible to Rupert Murdoch’s comforting climate change denialism. They also don’t mind the idea of taxing billionaires to pay for their visits to the dentitst.

The Greens have not stopped catering the interests of Queenslanders ever since the moment, and immediately labelled the 2022 election as the ‘Greenslide’ – which was a decision from the Brisbane head office, who demanded Adam Bandt not refer to their electoral success as ‘The Meteoric Rise Of Environmentally Conscience Suburban Voters Who Detest Hillsong’.

However, unfortunately, with their success in appealing to a broader Queensland base, the Greens must now tread lightly around random leftie gripes. This means No more Anti-Melbourne Cup tweets.

The fact of the matter is, a lot of Queenslanders, and therefore a lot of their voter base, really enjoy getting on the piss and watching horse racing. The Greens must now pick their battles to focus on what they care about most.

“C’mon get up you fucken thing!!!” shouts South Brisbane MP Max Chandler-Mather as he watches the races in his office today.

“The blokes down The Colmslie Pub told me this fucken thing was a shoe-in”

“What a fucken stitch up hahaha. Oi chuck us the form guide Jordo”

“Free Palestine though”


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