An absolutely ropable proud Aussie has today put on some Lee Kernaghan and cut a few hoops on an old landing strip, as tears welled in his eyes.

Shane Buckley (35) says he’s sick of this whingeing leftie bullshit. He says it’s attacking all the things that the Daily Telegraph has told him to hold dear.

“First it was Aussie flag capes at Big Day Out” he says.

“They made me feel bad about being a proud Aussie during a Limp Bizkit set, all because the Cronulla Riots had happened a few weeks earlier”

“…Then it was dress ups at Mad Monday”

“I ended up on Buzzfeed when I tried to dress up as Tiger Woods at my local Aussie rules club”

“Now it’s Australia Day”

As his late 90s model ute swings sideways, Shane thinks about Ned Kelly, Chopper Read, Don Burke and Wayne Carey – and all the other proud Aussies that would be rolling in their graves right now, following yesterday’s news.

Faced with a deficit in Australian folklore, for centuries young Australian patriots have idolised the murderous Irish migrant known as Ned Kelly – An iconic “bushranger” who was well-known for his love of shooting policemen.

The iconic steel mask worn by Kelly is often imitated each January 26th, as patriots somehow draw correlation between an 1800s shooting spree in regional Victoria, and English aristocrats arriving in Sydney by sea in 1788.

Alongside the astronomic star formation known “Southern Cross” and the “Eureka Stockade Flag” (an icon of Australian industrial communism) – The patriotism of Australian nationalists are put to the test each January, as the entire nation begins furiously debating whether the feelings of blackfellas are as important as the feelings of ute owners.

As announced yesterday, Hottest 100 will not be held on Australia Day next year, triple j says, with the station acknowledging the “increasing debate” about January 26 and its meaning for Indigenous Australians.

Next year’s countdown will instead be held on Saturday January 27, with the songs that just missed out — places 101 to 200 — being played on the Sunday.

Shane says this news makes him sick, and he now knows how Ned Kelly felt when he was holed up in Glenrowan under attack from the Victorian police, only this time it’s the ‘PC police’.

“My Eureka Stockade flags will be at half mast until February” he solemnly declares.

“We will mourn until the BnS season”


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