The catastrophic Australian housing crisis is now starting to bleed out into every facet of society, triggering a very near collapse of the state.

According to the Australian Medical Association (AMA), Queensland has failed to meet its ambulance transfer targets for the past seven years. In 2021 – 2022, ambulances spent 134,155 hours ramped outside the state’s top 26 hospitals, according to the AMA’s report card.

Only 58.7 per cent of patients were transferred from ambulances to emergency departments within half an hour of arrival due to a lack of nurses and doctors on call at any given time.

This is not specifically a Queensland issue, nor is it specifically an issue for the health system. The extreme shortage of nurses, doctors, teachers, and public servants of any variety is a pressing issue in the major cities where they are most needed. It’s also an issue that’s not going away anytime soon.

As politicians are yet to make the connection between these failing institutions and the fact that they only people who can afford to live in the cities anymore are retiree baby boomers and and Balenciaga-draped foreign students, the real world is starting to stall.

However, a mate that just moved to Canberra to work in an extremely niche role with an extremely niche Federal agency says he managed to pick up a quarter acre block within half an hour of work no problem.

“Canberra is underrated” says Bligh, whose mates have never really understood what his job is or where the fuck he works.

As a man now works in the heart of Australia’s Federal Capital preserving Australia’s genetic diversity for the future in a flood, bomb and radiation-proof vault that stores jars of seeds from different plant species – Bligh cannot understand why anyone would bother with the coastal cities when they could just find themselves working in a Federal government funded agency that only hires people with extremely specific qualifications to work in roles that are not available literally anywhere else in the country.

“It’s way cheaper” he says.

“And they’ve got good coffee nowadays”

“Everyone should [should completely change their careers and retrain in some sort of bizarre but prioritised government role] and move to Canberra”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here