Immigration Minister Peter Dutton is reportedly seething today, after receiving word that his plan to fast-track visas for White South African farmers may be met with reluctance from the other end.

Dutton says while he doesn’t usually give a fuck about how Australia comes across to people from overseas, he’s worried that certain news stories that have broken about prominent Australian representatives in South Africa may be deterring a wave of asylum seekers with beautiful white, white skin.

Early this month, the Home Affairs Minister has decided to act on the unfolding humanitarian crisis in South Africa by establishing an offshore processing centre on Hamilton Island that won’t confine people to squalid conditions like the other, browner centres.

However, it appears they won’t be necessary, as the oppressed white South African farmers begin having second thoughts about coming to Australia before England or Holland.

This comes as Australian cricketer Cameron Bancroft was charged with ball tampering, and his captain Steve Smith suspended for one Test after he admitted that he and other senior players, who he refused to name, plotted during a lunch break to illegally tamper with the ball in the third Test against South Africa in Cape Town.

It’s a historic scandal that will likely see both captains and the coach blacklisted from international cricket for the foreseeable future, and one that has

Mr Dutton said earlier today that white farmers facing violence in South Africa “deserve special attention” from Australia.

Speaking to the media today, Peter Dutton says he’s furious with the Australian cricket side

“I’ve already accounted for all of the boers in next year’s intake” he said.

“Now I’m gonna have to fill that space up with someone who’s black, or worse, brown.”

“Good on ya Smith. You dickhead”



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