With the 2018 Commonwealth Games games opening ceremony taking place tonight, it appears literally the only people in Australia that are making their way to the Gold Coast are the busloads of Aboriginal protestors.

As half-hearted athletes sit around doing stillnox in the ‘Commonwealth Village’ – it is not yet known which people, outside a few overexcited Gold Coast schoolchildren, are actually happy about hosting the tax-draining sports fair.

The event has attracted attention from Aboriginal groups who believe the event shows the oppression of the Aboriginal people, and are planning a full-scale protest at the event in a hope to get the attention of visiting Prince Charles.

While organisers are fearful of an embarrassing display of free speech, locals say that at least the blackfellas care about this event, because none of the athletes seem to.

“Literally the only people who seem to be emotionally invested in this fortnight-long traffic jam are the protestors” said one Gold Coast resident, Lapelle Shorby (45, Beautician).

“This is going to be so boring. Why the hell should we care about half these events if the world’s best aren’t even competing”

However, a spokesperson for the games says that we don’t necessarily need China or America or the Scandinavian countries to have a good time.

“India are getting really good at rugby sevens” they said.


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