A CBD truck crash this morning has disappointingly been put down to a 35-year-old Maori bloke playing Candy Crush while driving, after every single field reporter in the city rushed to the scene.

Witnesses were pressed to give answers that insinuated that the driver may have not had a shave in a while, and was screaming in another language as he accidentally ran his removalist truck into a Volkswagen Sedan.

One witness said the driver was seen yelling open ya eyes ya fucking halfwit at time of impact.

“Dammit” said one reporter, from a prominent tax-dodging newspaper corporation.

“He had a crucifix on the dashboard”

Tracey McCormack, one of the sixteen Channel 9 reporters that arrived on the scene within minutes was quick to ask if the driver looked like he was wearing any extremist religious garments.

“Ummm… He was wearing a pair of South Sydney footy shorts” said one witness.

“He had a Bunnies bumper sticker too… Now that I think about it, he looked like a die-hard”

It is believed that the truck driver was unaware of the car by his truck’s right side, while making the same turn, resulting in a run of the mill prang that held up traffic for about half an hour. Unfortunately this is an angle that is almost impossible to put down to low-tech terrorism.

However, in order to justify the two hours she spent chasing this story, Tracey decides to spice it up with a live-cross in which she makes of point of saying that if the driver had a motive, it was unclear.


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