The Fair Work Commission has given the green light for the construction and maritime unions to merge into a new “super union”, which has sparked concerns from business groups that their long-held fears of a superhuman protestor will finally come to life.

In a decision published today, the commission said it would allow the Construction, Forestry, Mining and Energy Union (CFMEU), the Maritime Union of Australia (MUA) and the Textile, Clothing and Footwear Union of Australia (TCFUA) to merge on March 27.

CFMEU national secretary Michael O’Connor said the new union would “hit the ground running” and immediately begin hiring more scientists and engineers to create the superhero industrial protestor.

“What you can expect from us is a clear focus on what we have to do to turn our country around,” he said in a statement.

“We will be fighting every day to restore the fair go and to bring a kryptonite-like substance to the coalition government’s war on safe work conditions”

“Creating a superhero is now a top priority, in order for us to achieve these goals”

The lead geneticist currently hired by the unions to help create a super powered amphibious protestor, says they are not certain of name for the masked hero, but earliest suggestions put forward by members are pointing towards ‘Strikeman’

“He carries an ability to bounce between sky-scrapers and treetops, as well as fight in the streets, underground and the scrub, just like the of the CFMEU” said lead designer, Professor Oga Nisenfite.

“as well as the ability to live and fight in saltwater – which obviously comes from the comrades at the Maritime Union”

“All of this is complimented with the dexterity and fashion sense of the TCFUA”

The motto of both the new super-union and their subsequent superhero mascot ‘Strikeman’ is believed to be ‘Earth, Water, Fire’ – paying homage to the new waterfront focus, as well as the flame that still burns bright within the trade union movement.

Named the Construction Forestry, Maritime, Mining and Energy Union, it will have more than 140,000 members — making it one of Australia’s largest trade unions.


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