Australia’s woo girls and homosexual men are now racing to take advantage of the eight week window before their now favourite weekend activity is spoiled by the same people who spoil everything.

As confirmed by the hospitality lobby group Licensing Inquiries and Testing For Australian Management (LITFAM) – it seems the ‘bottomless brunch’ is now facing a 2 month countdown before straight men discover a new way to binge drink.

As defined by the girls and the gays who pioneered this artform, bottomless brunch is a dining experience with unlimited alcohol and a set food menu usually enjoyed in the late morning or early afternoon. These sessions often last hours, with one all-inclusive payment upfront.

Italian and Chinese restaurants have been the some of the first to begin offering these packages, as they fill up guests with dense food and top up their glasses with cheap champagne and watery cocktails.

This uniquely Australian concept has seen a boom in popularity, as the nation’s overzealous liquor licensing acts sterilises most nightlife venues into glorified prison waiting rooms.

As one of the only loopholes around lockout laws and nanny-state surveillance tactics, Australians are now opting to simply to have their fun in the middle of the day, when noise complaints and public nuisances aren’t taken as seriously by the cops and boomer neighbours.

However, the reason the bottomless brunch trend has been allowed by authorities to last for this long might actually have a bit more to do with the fact that they are most popular with the far more courteous and refined demographics of females and gay men.

With the cost of living crisis and excessive taxes forcing pubs and clubs to increase the price of a schooner to the equivalent of half an Australian’s hourly wage, it is no surprise that straight men are looking for new cost-effective ways to turn one on.

With a focus on gossip, high-carb food, and flirty wait staff – it is just a matter of time until the meatheads begin booking out bottomless brunch packages with a vengeance.

The next two months will be as busy as ever for daytime drinking, as the original bottomless brunchers rush to enjoy the margs and champers before straight guys ditch the golf clubs they all bought during the pandemic and follow the sound of Lady Gaga right into an eight man table at their local cash-only ethnic restaurant.


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