A regular patron at an East Brisbane Hotel has become an unlikely hero this week, after severely concussing an armed robber during a hold up at around 11.30pm on Monday night.

One of the two assailants brandished a gun and demanded an employee fill a bag with cash from the till while the other, armed with a machete, ordered three patrons inside from the smoking area and told them to lie on the floor.

However a fourth pub patron emerged from the pokies room put a 30 kilo gaming stool over the head of the other, machete-wielding, bandit.

The robber, who was quite clearly suffering brain trauma as he stumbled down the front stairs, has been urged by medical professionals to go to hospital immediately.

So it poses the Question, if you were to try and pull off an armed hold up in Brisbane city, where would you not go? Here are the seven venues where you are most likely to get a gaming chair put over your head during an armed hold up.

7. The Logan Tavern, Logan

While Logan carries a bit of stigma as the Mt Druitt of Brisbane, their local pub and family centre is actually lowest on the list. Mainly due to the fact that no one in their right mind would be stupid enough to walk into this venue wielding machetes in the home pub of Mark Tookie and Cameron Smith.

Another deterrent is the fact that the front entrance is covered in Woodstock promotional bunting.

6. The Boundary Hotel, West End

The Boundary Hotel is the last bastion of hard drinkers in Brisbane’s increasingly marijuana-friendly Inner-South. Once the home pub for the local Souths rugby league team, the venue has made a point of keeping the street entrance to this venue exactly the same, even down to the blue lights in the bathroom and the easily washes lino floor.

There is definitely someone in the TAB of this venue with the last name of Crocker, Vievers or Tyquin who would be more than happy to give you a factory reset.

5.  Mansfield Tavern, Mansfield

The home of the Violent Soho boys, like most Brisbane pubs owned by the McGuire franchise, it’s hard to imagine too much riff raff inside the place – however, with countless nooks and crannies across these sparse venues, there is enough people in these places at any time to

4. Johnny Ringos, City

Johnny Ringos would not be the easiest place to rob given it’s lack of parking for the getaway driver, but that’s not even your biggest obstacle when you take into account rummed up regional Queenslanders who just want to be given half an excuse to towel up a cocky city boy while in town.

However, the venue’s iconic owner operator, Brett, would most likely be able to sort out any armed robbery situation with his bare mitts.

3.  The Oxford 152, Bulimba

Formerly known as the Balmoral Hotel, but collaquiolly known as the ‘Balmongrel’ Hotel, the Oxford 152 was the first signs of yuppification in the East Bend and suburbs surrounding Bulimba. Gone are the days of an unsupervised ball pit next to the front door for the punters to drop the kids on the way in the front door. They’ve replaced all of that with an ever-expanding restaurant type set up.

However, they kept an out of sight bullpen smoking-friendly beer garden attached to a discreet gaming room for a reason.

The original punters are staying on – and they aren’t leaving…. And the venue owners knows that when the time comes, they will be thankful they kept them here.

2. The Alex Hills Hotel, (The Pit)

The name says it all. The venue is actually called the ‘The Pit)’ and it’s actually in Alex Hills. You would have to have fucking rocks in your head to walk into a place like that carrying a machete with only one other bloke to back you up.

1.  The Lord Stanley Hotel

Case in point, Monday night on Stanley Street East when a chubby patron actually did turn someone’s brain off at the wall for a few seconds. However, with only a stones throw to the Gabba, if there was a time to rob this joint it would be in the sleepy days following the Brisbane test. Unfortunately for these robbers… It just wasn’t there night.

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  1. Is the Stones Corner Hotel still going? The barmaids would be the first to clobber you at that place. Gumby and friends. Delightful lasses. Alex Hills ?


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