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Footy Panel Show Waxes Someone Again

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the ACMA has today found that AFL and NRL panel shows really do get some good mileage out of the waxing gag. This study was commissioned after footage emerged of former mid-tier NRL player Bryan Fletcher getting waxed by former slightly-better NRL player Nathan Hindmarsh on one the 3 different Matty Johns shows last night. After...

1st-Year Uni Student Begins Adulthood By Finally Deciding On Favourite Type Of Coffee

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local 18-year-old has today decided that she has had enough different types of coffee to confidently say she has a favourite. While taking a break from the lectures at University, Rachel Cottee takes a sip from the freshly made caffeine beverage and decides that this might be her one. After a year of metropolitan living, the aspiring Marine Biologist...

Young Person Suffering From Gayness Still Not As Sick As Daily Telegraph Readers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A Betoota teenager who enjoys Lady Gaga and has a trophy cabinet full of gold medals for jazz and tap is actually in far greater health than anyone who gets their news from the Daily Telegraph, it has been confirmed. These revelations come from a recent report put forward by the Betoota's Integrated Gays, Friends, Undecided, Lesbians And Liasons Alliance...

Millennial Tags Boyfriend Located At Other End Of Couch In Relatively Funny Meme

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local member of Generation-Y has today lived out exactly what her parents fear most, by communicating with her long-term boyfriend only via mobile, despite being in the same room as him. After seeing a funny meme in her Facebook newsfeed, local coffee enthusiast Jenna Bailey (23) felt she could not continue scrolling without sharing the same joke with...

Local Bloke Instagrams Photo Of Himself Hiking On First Weekend Off The Gear In 2 Years

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bloke has today suggested that he too has the motivation and fitness to do normal things on weekends, with an out-of-character social media post of him hiking at a nearby lookout. After two years of heavy drinking and recreational drug use, the local online sales rep has alluded to the fact that he often goes hiking and...

Report: Mid-Arvo Piss Ups On Gorgeous Queenslander-Style Verandas Are So Good

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sinking piss on a gorgeous Queenslander-style-stilted-timber-veranda is one Australia's most valuable offerings when it comes to quality of life - a global survey examining 450 cities has found. The River City Capital and several other river settlement in Northern New South Wales and further north in Queensland have been compared with Basel, Switzerland in Mercer’s 19th annual Quality of Living survey, which provides...

ATO Worried There Won’t Be Much For Their Sons To Steal If Aussies Keep Avoiding Tax

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Administrators of the Australian Taxation Office have today revealed that they are concerned Australians might be claiming too many deductions in their tax returns, and in turn minimising how much their executive's sons will able to steal from us. While admitting that the $165 million Plutus tax scandal has "tarnished" the reputation of Australian Taxation Office, the ATO was...

Uni Student Opts Towards Tracksuits In Bed Over $40 Bar Heater

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While blatantly ignoring the fact that it has been pretty chilly for the last couple months, local uni student, Thom Kennedy, reckons he can just ride this cold snap out until the warmer months. With a sheet, blanket, doona and unzipped sleeping bag on top of him, the 23-year-old sharehouse occupant has also decided to don tracksuit pants, hooded...

Girlfriend Takes An Hour To Explain Fairly Common Social Scenario That Happened With The Girls

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local woman has spent the best part of an hour explaining to her boyfriend the intricate, and apparently fragile, social nuances involved when her girlfriends are faced with a pretty common social occurrence. Shelly Hawke (30) insists her boyfriend Brad doesn't understand how big of a deal it was that Katie and Annabel were forced to pay...

Disney On Ice: Cinderella And Snow White Arrested On Drug Charges

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The latest ‘Disney on Ice’ tour has hit a major speed bump today after two of its stars were arrested for possession of illicit substances. Both Cinderella and Snow White were taken into custody after significant amounts of methamphetamines were found in their possession. The Children’s extravaganza which had just landed in Brisbane this morning has been as popular...

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