A Betoota teenager who enjoys Lady Gaga and has a trophy cabinet full of gold medals for jazz and tap is actually in far greater health than anyone who gets their news from the Daily Telegraph, it has been confirmed.

These revelations come from a recent report put forward by the Betoota’s Integrated Gays, Friends, Undecided, Lesbians And Liasons Alliance (BIGFULLA).

The studies have shown that while young gay people may suffer from certain elements of their orientation, such as being bullied by kids who’s parents read the Daily Telegraph, most are actually living quite healthy lives.

“I think the kids are going to be alright. So long as they don’t have one of the biggest newspapers in the country suggesting they are suffering an illness because they have a hint of lavender” said spokesperson, Aunty Brenda.

“In fact, they are in much greater health than most Daily Telegraph readers”

“…Mainly because they don’t spend their lives in fear of young men of dark complexion. They also aren’t made to think they are weak for caring about the environment”

This news has shocked the depressed and overweight alcoholics in the infographic department of NewsLimited, who were yesterday criticised for their coverage of the apparent “health crisis” facing young Australians. The report was based on a NSW government survey covering drug use and eating habits amongst young people – which also suggested that same-sex attraction is unhealthy.

Local gay teenager, Jai, says he doesn’t feel as though he’s unwell, but he’s not sure anymore after some bloodshot divorcee sitting in cubicle office on Holt street said his same-sex attraction was a result of a ‘health crisis’.

“I guess me being gay takes away from the fact that NSW has just put forward the most dismal State Of Origin team in recent memory”

“In fact, I’m a proud gay Queenslander who worries about coral bleaching. I’m their worst nightmare”

Jai’s comments have resulted in several phone calls from Johnathan Thurston, Cameron Smith, Wally Lewis and Darren Lockyer who have also been horribly treated by the Daily Telegraph over the years.


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