ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

After being asked to not wear his limited edition ‘Senorita’ Justin Timberlake trilby and to wait until the boys and girls arrived at the pub to start drinking, a popular North Betoota used car dealer took a photo of his first schooner of the afternoon and sent it to the group chat.

“Cheers, borrs! [sic]” wrote Chris Matthews to the WhatsApp group he shares with eleven other like-minded and directionless 20-somethings.

“Chris, I thought we told you to wait for everyone to get there,” said a concerned friend, who’s seen the 29-year-old credit card fraudster at his absolute worse.

His absolute worst being at last year’s AFL grand final, where the same group of eleven young men assembled at the nearby Glen Betoota Bowling Club for a low-key afternoon of lawn bowls, cheap nachos and enough cleanskin beer to put Alex Lloyd to sleep.

Shortly after three-quarter-time, Chris was found unconscious on the floor of the unisex toilets beside the pokie room. It’s alleged by police that he was ‘viciously assaulted’ by another patron for pulling the top off a sanitary pin in the toilet stall he was using before dumping the contents over the stall divider and on onto a man the next cubical over.

“That was a bad night,” said a group chat friend.

“Which is why we like to keep an eye on Chris while he’s on the piss. He’s a fucking menace man,”

“Anyway, go you Queenslanders.”

More to come.


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