IN-Focus

‘Make Houses Cheaper!’ Says Gen Y Who Just Bought A $1400 Hooded Jumper

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A self-indulgent 28-year-old advertising account manager has lashed out at every form of government this afternoon from a South Bondi cafe, saying that they're not doing enough to make houses affordable for people like him. Harrison Fargo, whose parents weren't ever handed anything and had to work for everything in their lives, made the outrageous claims after splurging on...

Former High School Classmates Locked In Conversation Neither Of Them Wanted

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though it's been nearly a decade since Sam Willhelm first raised his eyebrows and smiled at Dave Mulholland as they walked past each other in a maths department corridor of South Betoota Technical, the pair shared pleasantries after bumping into each other in the town's bustling financial district this afternoon. Sam, now a mover and...

First Home Buyer Hospitalised With Avocado Deficiency

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After buying when the market is at its highest and the interest rates are at their lowest, a Betoota Heights man collapsed yesterday on his way to work - not because of the impending financial ruin that will befall him if interest rates go up, but because of an acute avocado deficiency. William Cornwall, a...

Gay Mate Handling Tuesday Pretty Well

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A gay co-worker has alluded to having a few drinks over the weekend, but there is definitely more to the story than he is willing to give up - it has been confirmed. After three years working in a social marketing firm, Dave Mundy (28) has so far done a good job of presenting himself as a polite,...

Smartarse In Townsville Pub Edging Dangerously Close To Table Of Army Boys

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An absolute pest in a North Queensland pub is managing to be a pest to everyone except the blokes that could really dust him off, it has been confirmed. The loudmouth real estate agent, who goes by the name of Jordon Kulpy (27) has had too much and is being an absolute punish. After annoying the pensioners in the front...

Neighbourhood Drug Dealer Unnecessarily Hostile Towards His Customers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Even though he is by far the most intimidating person that most of his clients come in contact with in their day-to-day lives, local drug dealer Ashley Grove is still unnecessarily putting on a show of how tough he is. Between dealing cocaine and MDMA, the 29-year-old also listens to rather intense gangster rap music,...

Man Who Haggles Down 3am Handjobs In Bali Slums Disgusted He Might’ve Eaten Dog

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A man who has essentially been living like an animal for the last fortnight can't believe the desitute street vendors in Bali might have been misleading him into eating dog meat. Jayseighn, a recently-divorced FIFO worker says he's been coming to Bali for ages now, and can't believe the news he heard this morning from his mates...

Study: 9 In 10 Kick-Ons Cease To Be Fun As Sun Comes Up

GAVIN TAYLOR | Drugs | Contact A South Betootanese 47-year-old volunteered the use of his mid-50s Californian bungalow to a group of mates last night after they all got kicked out of a nearby licensed venue. Peter Gunk, a systems administrator at the local shire, instructed a number of friends to pick up a number of cartons before they left the pub. "I...

Rugby Fans Sitting In General Admission Very Careful To Not Get RMs Dirty

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Several rugby fans that were forced to sit in the Remienko Memorial Stadium's General Admission area, after missing out on corporate tickets with their dads, have been spotted standing on their plastic seating to avoid getting chewing gum or discarded on hot chips on their boots. Local Rugby die-hard Bryce Anderson-Botha says it's not every...

Strawberry Blonde Tired Of Being Lumped In With The Filthy Rangas

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being teased relentlessly all through primary school about his 'auburn' hair, a local strawberry blonde has lashed out of those in the community who lump people like him in with redheads. Nathan Nalbandian, 28, spoke to The Advocate this afternoon about the issues he's had over his life being a young, arguably handsome, successful...

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