CHIPS GLEESON | Middle East Politics & SoccerCONTACT

Socceroos coach Ange Postecoglou has been told to throw Thursday’s crucial World Cup 2018 qualifier against Saudi Arabia as part of the USA’s $147bn weapons agreement with the Middle East nation.

Saudi leader King Salman requested US President Donald Trump put the offer to Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull in exchange for 800 asylum speakers, along with free 12-month Netflix subscriptions and a lifetime supply of Oreos for all Coalition MPs and players, however Postecoglou blocked the deal.

“Listen, I love Oreos and the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt as much as the next guy but I told them no way,” Postecoglou said.

“A couple of the boys were keen on having next June off if we didn’t qualify. Tim Cahill hasn’t had a football-free off-season since the summer of ‘69, and Aaron Mooy has numerous commitments replacing Warnie as the new face of Advanced Hair. Plus I’ve got a family reunion in Crete. But we couldn’t do it to the fans.”

The Saudis are three-points ahead of Australia in the must-win game and victory at Adelaide Oval on Thursday night would put the football-mad oil-rich nation on the brink of qualification.

Malcolm Turnbull confirmed he had contacted FFA Australia about the request.

“I informed them it’s un-Australian for us not to bow down to every American demand no matter how crazy,” he said.

“They wouldn’t listen, so if World War III kicks off and the Yanks don’t save our arses then it’s all soccer’s fault.”

Donald Trump responded to the claims on Twitter.

“Ordered Trumble to make Austria play nice against our friends the Saudis in the name of FREEDOM. Soccer moms DEAL WITH IT!” the President tweeted.


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