American President Donald Trump has today announced that he will be building 88,633 more miles of wall, and the environment is going to pay for it.

The rotund Republican revealed that the United States would withdraw from the Paris climate agreement, confirming all theories that the American government doesn’t really believe in Climate Change and don’t care about combatting global warming.

In a speech from the Rose Garden, Mr. Trump said the landmark 2015 pact imposed wildly unfair environmental standards on American businesses and workers. He vowed to stand with the people of the United States against what he called a “draconian” international deal.

“America has done very well to keep these kinds of articulated, science-based arguments out of the White House and out of our classrooms” he said

“As for the rising sea levels that also feel the need to make life hard for the American workers, well they can get out of our country too!”

“I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris,” the president said, drawing support from members of his Republican Party but widespread condemnation from political leaders, business executives and environmentalists around the globe.

“We are building two new walls, and the environment is going to pay for it”

“The sea levels will not be able to get inside, neither will any of these stupid scientists”

“Coal is not dead. Coal is what makes this country great. As does tobacco, absestos and lead. We will bring jobs back to the people”


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