ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Her Majesty The Queen has revealed that she’s been forced to screen a number of phone calls from Prince Charles this week as the second-in-line to the throne grows increasingly tired of being away from home.

The Advocate can reveal this afternoon that the Prince was under the impression that the Commonwealth Games was supposed to have a ‘school camp-like’ atmosphere – but the reality is far from it.

Allegations and suggestion that Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, is also tired of being Down Under have circulated the Australian media for days now, which is compounding the gravity of the situation.

Details of a voicemail left on Her Majesty’s phone were leaked to the press earlier today:

“Mummy, this is not what you said it’d be,” said the Prince.

“None of my friends are here. The man who made Daddy a knight is now one step away from being a commoner again. The new Prime Minister here actively despises our whole family, Mummy,”

“He showed me a picture of a gangly man in a red pirate bandanna who he said has been locked up for the duration of the Commonwealth Games because he was such a security risk. It’s horrible and I demand you come and get me at once.”

But the Queen uncharacteristically responded to the leaks, telling The Advocate that this isn’t the first time this has happened.

“Christ on a bike,” she said.

“You should’ve heard the complaining when he was down at Timbertop in Victoria. He said he’d never speak to me again if I didn’t let him come home at once,”

“Pull the other one, Charlie. Suck it up, it’s only another 10 days.”

More to come.


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