ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As the Coalition is set to head to a second byelection and the Trans-Pacific Partnership lies in ruins, Malcolm Turnbull told his Chief-of-Staff to hail a cyclo.

The Prime Minister thought a quick spin in one of Vietnam’s most popular methods of transport might be able to cheer him up after a week from hell.

But it wasn’t.

Speaking to The Advocate via telephone, Malcolm Turnbull said he was quietly seething before he climbed aboard the cyclo and he was still quietly seething when they finally rolled back into the hotel.

“It never ends, does it?” asked the PM.

“Over here, I’ve got some wavy-haired male-model-from-Montreal fucking up the TPP and back home, I’ve got some fucking tennis racquet head resigning on me,”

“I mean, it’s like somebody is out to get me. It’s not like working at a merchant bank, you can just sack morons there or humiliate them by forcing them into taking a job at Bell Potter, which is the Hyundai Excel of financial advisory firms. Anyway, a bit off topic. But yeah, that cyclo ride failed to cheer me up.”

As for what Mr Turnbull plans to do for the rest of the trip, he revealed to our reporters that he was going to look for something else to make him happy – at least for a while.

“I’ve heard this urban legend, from Glenn McGrath of all people, that you can pay somebody over here to shoot a cow with an AK or an RPG or something. I might give that a go.”

More to come.



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