A recent report by the CSIRO has found that there are no more nice guys left in the world, after the nicest guy in the world has been accused of being a creep.

This comes after countless high-profile nice guys have been found to be not nice guys, in what has been described as the most blatant example of high-profile male accountability since the Nuremberg Trials.

“That’s it” said on researcher, Dr Sally Tallis.

“There’s no more nice guys left. Certainly not in Hollywood”

“Deadset. Morgan Freeman was the last one”

The professor’s remarks follow Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman’s public apology to anyone who may have felt “uncomfortable or disrespected” by his behaviour, after American news outlets today reported that multiple women had accused the A-list actor of sexual harassment and inappropriate behaviour on movie sets and in other professional settings.

“Anyone who knows me or has worked with me knows I am not someone who would intentionally offend or knowingly make anyone feel uneasy,” the actor, now old as shit, said in a statement sent by his publicist, Stan Rosenfield.

Freeman has since offered to narrate the entire King James Bible audiobook in exchange for forgiveness, but no one knows how much more there is to come from this.


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