Look out! There are some fighting words from across the ditch today!

Following the news of a trilateral agreement between the UK, US, and Australia, our jealous neighbours who weren’t included on the group call have hit out.

The Prime Minister of New Zeland has revealed that Australian nuclear-powered submarines won’t be allowed into Kiwi waters.

“Let me be perfuctly cleer on thus,” explained Jacinda Ardern today.

“Any nuclear sub that enters keewee waters wull be shot by Keith from New Plemuth,” she said.

“I’m not muncing my werds on thus”

The Kiwi defence plan reportedly involves 56-year-old farmer Keith Mullins standing guard at New Plymouth on New Zealand’s North Island to pick off any rogue submarines that enter his country’s waters.

Armed with a .22, Mullins has been given free rein to shoot any submarine on site, with an allowance for 10/15 seals and whales as collateral damage.

The strong stance comes after Scotty from Marketing posed up with a couple of blokes who don’t remember his name to reveal that Australia would be getting a few shiny new nuclear-powered submarines.

“Keith uz a deedly shot too,” continued Ardern.

“So, enter at your own perel.”

Keith was unavailable for comment at the time of publication, with his wife asking us to call back around dinner time because the home phone doesn’t have international call capability.

More to come.


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