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A Betoota Heights septuagenarian is struggling to come to terms with the fact her daughter doesn’t really want to get married or even have a wedding.

Margaret Pearson told The Advocate this morning that she doesn’t know where she went wrong.

“I just want my little girl back,” she said.

“Do you know what (Penguin) said to me? She said she wants to focus on her career right now and get a foothold in the Brisbane property market. What does that have to do with getting married?”

“My husband and I love her boyfriend. Well, my husband thinks he’s a bit of a wet noodle because he doesn’t have a football team but not everyone loves sport,”

“She’s going to miss out on so much.”

But when we spoke to Penguin Pearson, a 31-year-old security analyst in Brisbane, she painted a very different picture.

Ask Penguin explained to our reporter over the phone, things aren’t as rosy as her mother Margaret seems to think.

“Mate, my parents live on a different planet,” she said.

“Why in hell would I want to burn $80 000 of my own money on one day? And don’t say I can just go down to the registry office and do it for $50. Why do I even need to get married? I like Glenn but fuck being married to him. Fuck being married to anyone,”

“My parents seem to think getting married still costs $300. Dad said he’d chip in but I know they have no money to chip in. If they did, they wouldn’t still be working shit manual jobs in their 70s, would they? Fuck me, why is it so hard? They’ll be sad if I don’t have a big wedding with all these fucking relatives I never fucking see coming over to some venue where the cunt will gouge the fuck out of me simply because it’s a fucking wedding and eat some fucking food I pay for and drink the piss I pay for then they’ll come over for 30 seconds and smile and nod at me like a monk while I smiled back and fake laugh like a fucking idiot and say, ‘Thank you for coming, Aunty who the fuck are you!’ and go back to seeing my house deposit disappear down the gullet of her fat fuck husband who doesn’t even know my name!”

Penguin then drew a breath.

“Oh what’s the fucking point? Maybe I should just have a cheap small one with plastic chairs and plastic plates and let all the girls at school fucking laugh at me over one of their lunches. Who the fuck cares? And the best part is, I don’t even have a house deposit to burn. I have a net worth of $3950 and my car is out of rego and it’s fucked. So you could say I’m worth $500 after the mechanics done with me,”

“It’s just hard.”

More to come.


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