A local ‘Wellness Advocate’ has today let us in on a big secret.

The F-tier influencer from Betoota’s countercultural hinterland town of Linenwunsie has outlined the path you need to tread to become someone who can spread and advocate ‘wellness.’

Unable to describe what the fuck ‘wellness’ actually really means, Hyacinth Tulip (formally known as Hyacinth Thomas) explained that the first thing you need to do is stop listening to ‘medical propagandists.’

The wellness advocate who seems to be pushing some shit that might make people pretty unwell, said it’s an easy step.

Hyacinth explained that you cannot blindly follow facts and data offered up by mainstream medical professionals if you want to live a fulfilled and healthy life.

“First, stop listening to the hundreds of years of scientific research and knowledge accumulated by people dedicated to improving the human condition,” she said.

“Doctors are pushing agendas that only people who watch poorly edited YouTube videos and share grainy memes know about.”

“And that’s bad. They don’t want you to feel better, because then what happens to their business?”

“It’s common sense.”

“They want you to subscribe to their system and be reliant upon it,” said the young woman whose pleasure in life comes from seeing the little like symbol goes off on her social media platforms.

“So, ignoring doctors and people who spend their careers trying to make other people’s lives better is the first step,” continued Hyacinth, whose own sister is no longer talking to her after she tried to radicalise her family with some crook shit.

“The rest, well, you’ve gotta follow my Insta and find that out,” she finished.


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