In a weird turn of events, the people who seemingly hate Dan Andrews more than anything else on this planet are begging for him to come back into their lives.

The calls come after Andrews began his 4th month of sick leave this week, following a fall that broke 5 of his ribs and his T7 vertebra.

That fall which seemingly granted the militant Liberal voters their biggest wish has received plenty of attention over the last few days, with conspiracy theories swirling around that there could be more to the injury, which apparently also isn’t legit.

The people consumed by their hatred for Andrews are now being assisted by people like Shadow Treasurer Louise Staley, who demanded answers to questions about who made the emergency phone call after the fall and so on.

One Toorak based finance worker named Tim White explained to The Advocate that despite calling for Andrews to leave office for an entire year, he’s now furious he won’t come back.

“They guys bludging on tax-payer dollars,” explained the man who has developed such a bond with Dictator Dan that he may have a case of Stockholm syndrome.

“It’s ridiculous that he’s just got his feet up while the state deals with another crisis,” he continued seemingly forgetting the endless stream of North Face jacket conferences that caused medical experts to demand Andrews take a few days off for the sake of his health.

“You can’t tell me there’s not something going on. The whole things a cover up. I’ve seen photos of the stairs, they don’t look that slippery at all.”

“He needs to get back to work, so I can start demanding that he leaves again. This wizard guys boring as shit.”

More to come.


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