18 April, 2016. 15:30


Malcolm Turnbull is still confused about what a self-employed, blue collar, driver-owner truckie was doing with his hand during a meet and greet yesterday.

A convoy of more than 200 trucks from as far away as Queensland and Victoria converged on Canberra ahead of the senate debating the abolition of the Road Safety Remuneration Tribunal’s this week.

Speaking alongside Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce and Employment Minister Michaelia Cash, the Prime Minister said the government was confident the crossbench would vote to abolish the tribunal.

It was during this rally that local Betoota man, Mick Goddard (64) “shook” hands with Malcolm Turnbull in an extended act of solidarity.

“It was quite bizarre” says the Prime Minister.

“I went for the normal handshake that I do with other politicians and bankers, and then he slipped it around and held my hand like a stirring wheel,”

“I don’t know what they call it in the aspirational classes but it was a warm moment shared between both of us,”

A recent report by Buzzfeed found that the ‘comrade’ and ‘blackfella’ style handshakes are on the rise in Parliament House and other government buildings, with the new labor party rebrand attempting to appeal to an increasingly not-white and Catholic voter base.

However, Malcolm Turnbull has never been privy to this style of handshake. According to his staffer, Oscar Wright-Way.

“It was really a culture shock. A bit like Crocodile Dundee… Only Mr Prime Minister was the one out of his comfort zone, not the uncouth one,”

“It’s amazing that this man can travel to Turkey, France, India and speak the local languages – but can still be stumped by the cultural nuances that exist in his own country,”

Earlier last year, Malcolm Turnbull backed a move by the National Rugby League to designate $2 million dollars towards stopping footballer from saying ‘youse’ in media conferences and odd appearances.

“I’d never heard anyone talk like that before,”

“It’s certainly not a word you would hear in my electorate… Unless you are talking to tradespeople, or watching an old Jeff Fenech fight on Youtube,”



  1. Nah. It’s obviously a secret handshake, representing an entirely new covert network of influence, completely different to the existing ones.

  2. So, there you have it, Malcolm the Magnificent. looking like a pig in Palestine, trying his best to appear all things to all men, at the stage managed rally organised by his most enthusiastic, though demented sounding, side kick, Michaelia Cash.

    We may see more of the these, “can’t please everyone” type rallies as Malcolm The Magnificent tries to stem the rising tide of indifference to his charm and charisma.

    They are always a bit of fun for folk with not that much more to do at the time, although having to listen to Ms. Cash could fray the nerves somewhat.


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