31 March, 2017. 16:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

This afternoon, a Melbourne man is frantically trying to find clean drinking water and food to eat as he rummages through the bowels of his Hamilton Island resort – something he never envisaged when he booked the holiday last July.

“This is ridiculous,” said Lewis Pilloman, 29, who spoke to The Advocate briefly at around 3pm today.

“How did this happen? They said the storm was the most powerful in like, ages. Why didn’t they evacuate us? Fuck, this is typical Queensland. Australia’s Florida. I mean, they must’ve know this would happen?”

However, much to the chagrin of the student botanist, they didn’t know Cyclone Debbie would completely flatten the island to the point were finding sustenance in Mogadishu would be easier.

Taking the time out of his busy schedule restoring the island’s utilities to a first-world standard, general manager of the resort, Glenn Brooker, said that he’s just doing his best.

“Take a look around, cunt. What do you want me to do? It looks like Sarajevo after the Serbs were done besieging it,” said Brooker.

“But yeah, look. These things happen in the tropics. There are tropical storms. Just fucking deal with it. We’ll get you back to the cold country as soon as we can.”

More to come.



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