Despite all the worry and hectoring from his girlfriend in the lead-up, Betoota carpenter Michael Larkin has reported this morning’s rental inspection lasted less time than it took him to wipe down the back toilet, and was less thorough than the job he did trimming the overgrown front hedge in preparation for the property manager’s arrival.

“I can’t believe I cleaned all that shower mould off for nothing,” said Larkin, who took yesterday off to vacuum, dust on top of the kitchen cabinets and hide his bong behind cleaning products under the laundry sink, just in case she looked in there.

“The agent was literally in and out – I didn’t even have time to explain why the back screen door is ripped.”

“Seriously, she was more interested in talking about how hectic her morning was than going over the condition report I filled out,” he told reporters, while on his way to pick up the cat he’s not meant to have from the vet, where he paid $150 to board her overnight.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t even notice the bodgie cover-up I did of the time Nath spewed red wine on the loungeroom carpet.”

Larkin’s rent goes up by $70 a week as of next month.


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