ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An independent study undertaken by the nation’s chief scientific body has confirmed a popular hypothesis put forward by Nick Cave that the music that The Red Hot Chili Peppers make is ‘garbage’.

The Living Australian Treasure famously panned the Californian band’s music, telling a British newspaper: “I’m forever near a stereo saying, ‘What the fuck is this GARBAGE? – and the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

How the CSIRO has found Cave’s assessment to be accurate after close to a decade of experimentation and taxpayer-funded coffee runs.

“We here at the CSIRO made two of our most open-minded researchers sit in a room for a day listening to the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s entire discography front to back and asked them what they thought at the end,” said an organisation spokesman.

“After listening to every piece of music the Chili Peppers have released, we asked the researchers if they thought it was all garbage and they said yes,”

“They were then quickly rushed into a room full of bean bags, Valium and Van Morrison to recover.”

The Advocate reached out to Nick Cave’s management for comment and promptly received a reply from the regional Victorian himself, where he said he felt vindicated and validated.

“I fucking told you all,” said Cave.

“They suck and now there’s scientific proof they suck. Go Bombers!”

More to come.



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