The 7:30 Report’s finance reporter, Alan Kohler, is officially public enemy number one for the Australian political and media class.

This comes after his recent Quarterly Essay, titled The Great Divide: Australia’s Housing Mess and How to Fix It.

In over 20,000 words, Kohler gently explains how young people aren’t actually crazy and, yes, the median house prices in our capital cities are the second most expensive in the world, only being the highly populated Hong Kong – one of the most densely populated territories in the world.

However, it seems this kind of truth-telling is enough to warrant excommunication from the baby boomer cohort.

The veteran journalist has earned himself the wrath of the rest of his generation for simply pointing out some glaringly obvious facts about the wealth disparity between post-war Australians and anyone who came after them.

But what’s even worse, is that he’s also offered some solutions to the current housing crisis.

Even making the suggestion that some sort of interventions should be put in place to disrupt the status quo of generational wealth hoarding is considered high treason amongst the boomers, who are committed to the myth that nothing is wrong and with the current system and the financial insecurity of young people can all be blamed on mildly expensive cafe menu items like avocado and soy milk.

With the once dubbed ‘Howard Battlers’ now sitting on millions of dollars by virtue of being able to snap up a portfolio of quarter acre blocks that cost them less then a second-hand 2019 Toyota Rav4 on a single income, the unprecedented wealth being generated from Australia’s manipulated property market must be protected at all costs.

It seems the legislated safeguards – provided by consecutive Federal Governments who prioritise the assets of Baby Boomers above all else through negative-gearing and other taxation loopholes – might not be enough.

They need Alan Kohler silenced.

That’s according to the The RBPS (Royal Boomer Protection Society), who have called a secret meeting today in an inconspicuous boardroom at one of those CBD office buildings that boomers have spent their lives working in with free parking.

The RBPS says Alan must be dealt with.

“Maybe we could dismiss everything he says because of his association with the ABC, who are clearly communists” says the RBPS secretary, Graham Grahamson (72).

“Or do we get him arrested for something? We could say he’s been meeting with Hamas?” says another member, before the ideas begin flowing.

“We could get Gerry Harvey to ban the ABC from all his TVs?”

“Why don’t we just tell the government to gut the ABC and deplatform him. They’d do it for us no dramas.”

“Remember when we made them introduce pub lockout laws to minimise the evening noise near those terrace houses we bought for 20,000 a pop after they evicted all of the Aboriginal public housing tenants during the Olympics”

“[Hysterical laughter]”


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