A student of the University of Western Queensland has today graduated with a bachelor in random business stuff, as well as highest honours in contracting and then passing on chlamydia.

Kyle Sanders (22) says he wouldn’t have been able to reach the heights he did in transmission without his three years spent couped up in co-ed student accomodation downtown, and says he looks forward to spreading the STI in the real world, when he seeks full time employment in the city next month.

“I knew I was doing better than most, but didn’t think I’d take out the highest honours” he said.

“It’s good to get the recognition. Especially for something that everyone had thrown the hat in the ring for”

“My mum and dad met at this same university while waiting for a cup to piss in at the medical centre”

Kyle’s peers say that while their university is the go-to for low-level infections of the private parts, he has definitely worked the hardest in his endeavour to carelessly have unprotected sex with multiple partners.

“No one deserves this more than him” said Annabella, an ex-fling of Kyle’s who was lucky enough to witness his efforts first hand.

“He really put his head down and didn’t let the quite obvious symptoms get to him”




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