ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights airconditioning magnate has built the home of his dreams this year and simply couldn’t turn up the chance to add a massive seven-stool kitchen island to the home.

Dale Winters and his wife Nadeen set out to make a home for their growing family in March and didn’t let some fancy southern flu rain on their parade as they perceived to get the job done before summer.

The Betoota Shire Council’s building code stipulates that all new homes built in our Heights district must have at least three seats at the kitchen island or breakfast nook.

“Which is why I put seven Hampton-inspired stool under my kitchen island,” said Nadeen.

“Because I’m not a povo bitch. I’m a Queenslander with a high disposable income. Me and Hubby are going to put an arse on every one of those stools, too. We both want a big family so we built a home to fill,”

“We’ve got alfresco dining out the back and a barbecue. A woodfired pizza oven to cultivate redbacks and other mildly dangerous spiders. A saltwater pool and a six-rifle gun safe in the laundry. I fucking love my trap shooting. Dale gets around his piggin. He reckons any softcock can shoot a pig dead but it takes a real man to look one in the eye and fucken stick the cunt up under the front legs. Fuck yeah,”

“I don’t know how people could live any other way, like imagine being some perenially mundry Melbourne goblin with pink hair, big gums and a sad face. Yuck, mate. Come up and get some sun, have a prawn for fucks sake. Live a little. Don’t read what The Age says about us, we love reffos and gay people. Sir Joh didn’t but that cunt’s dead now.”

Nadeen then paused to reflect on what she said.


More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here