2 October, 2016. 11:02
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
PARTS OF CENTRAL BRISBANE ARE in ruin this afternoon as the state’s annual Y2K bug returns with a shocking, destructive vengeance.
Often seen as nothing more than a curse put upon the great people of Queensland by the communist southern states, daylight savings time has, and will always face stiff opposition in the sunshine state.
As clocks ticked over last night at around 3am, buildings and vehicles near the intersection of Queen and Elizabeth Streets in the CBD spontaneously exploded, killing only pigeons.
Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk called for calm this morning, saying that cool heads will prevail in a crisis such as this and blaming New South Wales and Victoria for the destruction of property and pigeons is wrong.
“While the loss of the seven pigeons is tragic and somebody will pay for it, any suggestion that this act of social terrorism was committed by those southern perverts is abhorrent and false. We’re still working with Queensland Police to get to the bottom of this,” she said.
“In the meantime, I’d suggest that all Queenslanders still upset about daylight savings time should join Bob Katter beside the Pacific Motorway in Coolangatta and throw rocks at NSW-registered motor vehicles. That is the most constructive thing we can do at the moment.”
However, former premier and Brisbane Lord Mayor Campbell Newman has lashed out at the call for calm, saying that the 45-in-a-row record against Queensland maintained by daylight savings needs to be broken.
“Every year, we lose,” explained Newman.
“You know what happened to the last bloke who called me ‘the Clover Moore of Brisbane?’ I choked him out on Caxton Street and put him in the recovery position like a good bloke would do. But yeah, I’m not that much of a loser, I’m not a New South Welshman,”
“Fuck New South Wales and their daylight savings, it’s time Queensland went a bit Sir Joh and tell them all to get fucked.”
Seasonal variation in sunrise/sunset is most pronounced at the poles, less pronounced as you move towards the equator, and at the equator is zero and flips over to the opposite direction as you move further north. Queenslanders have every reason to regard daylight savings time as a ridiculous imposition imposed by the south. Quite simply: it is.
The response, I suppose, is “so what would you like us to do about this”, and “why no, we will not scrap getting up an hour earlier when dawn comes an hour earlier, it’s a great idea”, and “well maybe if you bastards contributed anything more than bananas, dengue fever, and racism to the country you’d get more of a say in the matter”.