2 October, 2016. 11:02

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

EACH MAJOR GAME OF RUGBY league football is punctuated by a rousing monologue from former coach, commentator and controversial exclusion from the NRL Immortal list, Phil Gould – however, they’re rarely coherent or to the point.

Punting-giant SportsBet has put their money where their mouth is today, by offering dribblers $2.30 odds on whether Mr Gould’s prematch speech will make any sense whatsoever.

Despite referring to the game as the greatest gladiatorial contest on Earth last year, for the ninth year in a row, Gould maintains that his pump up yarns have never been more pertinent.

The Advocate spoke to Gould this morning via Skype. He had a few choice words for his critics ahead of this afternoon’s grand final.

“Now you listen to me, you little shit. I won’t have any jackaroo colostomy bag like you tell me what’s up and what’s down. It’s the year of the shark,” explained Gus.

“And no, I won’t tell you about what I’ve got planned for today. It’s a magic speech that I co-wrote with Daniel Johns last week, who also taught me a few power chords. I was originally going to deliver it John-Williamson-at-the-Wallabies-style, but Ken Sutcliffe kept putting shit on me and asking me to play Pinball Wizard,”

“The cunt. Anyway, if you want my tip for today, my speech will be coherent, to the point and hilarious and the fucking sharks will get up.” said Gould.

Gould’s sentiments were echoed by the Nine Network’s NRL Director, who said he’d looked over the speech, written on a Sizzler Kogarah napkin.

“Yeah, my hands are tied. Gus will speak and we will all clap, then move on.” he said.


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