22 August, 2016. 10:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IT’S SOMETHING THAT MOST parents discover when their child first gets their hands on a musical instrument. How their kid, with their tiny lungs and little hands, can make enough noise to raise the Queen Mother from the grave.

Nights that used to be filled with a type rampant alcoholism that only a overpaid 28-year-old can enjoy, are now taken up by more constructive activities – like watching your child try to play the French horn in the school band.

Max Dillahunt is a 46-year-old corporate lawyer that knows exactly what that feels like.

“My boy started learning the French horn in year two, now he’s in Year 4 and I’ve noticed almost no improvement,” he said.

“The worst sounding thing on this planet is a primary school band. Trust me, I know. I used to be a ten-year-old boy slaying a trumpet in a school band. We thought we sounded shit hot,”

“Last Christmas, the missus dragged me down to watch the Christmas carols at the boy’s school. Longest night of my life. Listening to the ‘orchestra’ struggle their way through the 1812 Overture and The First Noel was bad. I had to have a few longnecks of Shiraz that night before bed.”

However, son Kieran (10) is acutely aware of how bad he and his friends are at making music.

He told The Advocate this afternoon that while his parents pat him on the back and tell him he’s getting better, deep down he knows that he’ll never be much chop at the French horn.

“There have been days when I just wanted to throw this fucking horn under a bus,” said Kieran.

“But I don’t think it’s insured for that type of damage. I’ve left it everywhere I can. We live in a pretty nice area, there’s no junkies or anything around here to steal it. It’s almost always found by some chinless Labrador owner who phones my mother saying they’d found it,”

“It’s hard being ten and shit at everything.” he said.



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