ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Despite fearing it would be the case, some good news for the Melbournese this afternoon as their beloved Prahahn Wet Markets has been ruled out as the cause of their seventeenth outbreak.

Located close to Essen-Don Airport, the Prahahn Wet Market is extremely popular with people from all over the nation’s most European city and the denizens of that town come from all over to source the freshest ingredients.

There were fears that the markets were the cause of this latest outbreak, but that’s been debunked.

Melbourne’s Chief Health Officer Brett Sutton made the announcement in the city-state’s capital a short time ago.

“Great news everybody,” he said.

“It wasn’t the wet market in Prahran [sic] this time. It actually came from the home of mediocre footy. South Australia! [laughs] No, they’re OK I guess. Anyway, just wear a mask and wash your hands, guys. We’ll be back to shivering and coughing on each other in no time.”

When asked what this meant for Melbournese who’ve travelled interstate to places like Avalon Airport and the Mornington Peninsula, Sutton shrugged.

“I guess they wear masks, too?”

“But once you cross the Murray, you don’t have to wear one. I know that’s going to create confusion in regional centres in New South Wales like Albury, Swan Hill and Mildura but we’ll get there,”

“Stay safe everyone.”

More to come.


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