20 December, 2016. 13:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As the old saying goes, the best parts of a film are often left on the cutting room floor. The same can be said for the latest advertisement produced by the NSW State Government to highlight the breathtaking activities Sydney has on offer in the post-lockout era.

Shunning the old conventions of sinking a few tins and heavily petting strangers in dark rooms, the production showcases and presents Sydney in a much holier light.

Cut from the two-and-a-half minute long ad was a scene in which a young married couple enjoys a short sexual interlude for the sole purpose of bringing another human life into the world.

“The director asked us to avoid eye contact when we filmed it, his vision was a bit weird but I’m kind of glad that scene isn’t on my showreel,” said actor Liam Cottnell, who was hired to play the role of Peter – a married 23-year-old leasing agent from Baulkham Hills.

“The idea was to show that being a married 23-year-old can be more fun because you can have all the sex you want, without having to do the traditionally mundane things like go to a nightspot, do drugs, then labour through speaking to someone long enough to work out if you’re prepared to have their genitals in your mouth. They wanted to outline that that type of shit isn’t on anymore.”

The message from the NSW Government is clear. That type of behaviour is simply unacceptable.

“This ad is a diorama for the new Sydney,” said a senior Baird administration advisor. “You can still have fun without getting drunk and beating the shit out of someone.”

“It’s actually pretty neat. Getting your kicks through the gospel… and casinos is right on the money. It’s safe, supervised and down right entertaining.”


  1. Dear Sirs,

    As a Western Australian, I must confess to being somewhat confused by the stream of talking-picture messages emanating from the den of GST piracy that is New South Wales.

    With the fast approaching ringing-out of the old year, I had high hopes of seeing a newsreel at my local bioscope showing rows of illuminated, befuddled sloths hanging under your bridge in artistic arrangements and being set on fire at the appropriate ringing of the chimes, and then plunging aflame to the water below in choreographed displays. From what I read here it seems theses sloths of yours are now actively being discouraged from engaging in public roistering for the benefit of others. That is highly disappointing. Thieving our GST money is one thing, but then not putting on a satisfactory show with the proceeds is quite another. Western Australians hand over good money to watch eastern wastrels die painfully at appointed festivals, and this officially-sanctioned stay-at-home message is extremely discourteous to your viewing public.

    For the record, I should also say that the mentioned government pronouncement to New South Welshpeople of “You can still have fun without getting drunk and beating the shit out of someone” is only true up to a point – for them amongst themselves yes, but they are always welcome to come here so we can do the drinking and the beating and garner the ensuing enjoyment. Just because new fads take hold in some dark corners of the continent, it doesn’t mean everyone everywhere else doesn’t draw delight from having a New South Welshperson lying on a pavement in a pool of their own blood and spittle. The message needs to be issued with a locality-specific qualification.


    Ron Muppet


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here