ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has promised to find and kill the person who ruined Christmas for millions.

Speaking to journalists this morning via video link from his secret holiday destination, Scott Morrison said what this person has done to “all Australians” is unforgivable and they must face the consequences.

“Our intelligence community has indicated that this person is an air hostess,” said Mr Morrison.

“I have instructed members of the Tactical Assault Group (East) to hunt this person down and neutralise the threat they pose. It is not known whether this person is still in the country but if they are, they can expect vengeance and the full consequence of their actions,”

“They have ruined Jesus’ birthday. They have ruined Christmas for millions of working Australian families. I must have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”

When asked if the Attorney General Christian Porter had agreed that it was legal for the State to hunt down and murder someone, Scott Morrison said it wasn’t relevant.

“Even if it was illegal, what are you going to do about it?”

More to come.


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