The streets of Betoota are currently at war, as is the case in every family suburb across Australia at 3pm every day.

It’s a battle that dates back to the SS utes and the Tarago era, as the nation’s mums find themselves in gridlocked traffic with construction workers who are rushing home after knock off to fill their lungs with hydroponic cannabis smoke that has been filtered through an appropriated gatorade bottle and garden hose.

School zones around the country will remain motionless for the next half an hour, as the tradie knock off clashes perfectly with school pick up.

This hostile relationship between stay-at-home mums and tradesmen was once limited to the catcalls and wolf whistles that would harass young parents as they pushed prams past worksites in the 1990s. This kind of chauvinism was usually met with cruel comments about the size of the offending construction worker’s appendage.

However, with the rise of the Australian middle class, the mothers have since taken this war to the streets.

“It’s first in, best dressed” says local mum, Samantha Bouvier (34).

“I’m out the door at quarter to. Any later than I’m gonna get stuck behind these iced coffee drinking heathens”

Local tradie, Benny Rathbone (19) says that kids should be forced to stay at school until 5pm.

“This is our time” he says.

“We should have the right to have a clear run home after a day’s hard yakka. These kids and their mothers need to learn that life isn’t fair. If they don’t wanna stay at school until 5pm then they should drop out like I did and start waking up at 4:45”

However, Samantha says tradies have had it too good for too long.

“First of all, they get paid twice as much as the doctors that delivered my kids, and work far better hours”

“Second off all, these work utes are all tax write offs. I’m working hard to raise a family here and I’m doing it a personal vehicle”

“Fuck the lot of em. I don’t even mind the traffic, so long as I’m prolonging their commute home to have a cone”


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