ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The holidaying Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk says she’s actually gutted that Australia Olympic Committee Chairman John Coates is forcing her to go to the Olympic Opening ceremony.

“Oh no,” she told Mr Coates in front of dozens of reporters this evening in Japan.

“Please don’t make me go to the Opening Ceremony! Nooo! Stop!”

“John, please. It’s too dangerous. Oh my God, I know we’ve been given these sick box tickets with like the little bits of shit on biscuits and as much piss as your can stomach,”

“These tickets, fucking hell John, there pretty much as good as getting tickets to the Gabba pool. But like, imagine if you could smoke cigarettes in the Gabba pool. That’s what these tickets are like. Smoking in the pool, the height of luxury,”

“But fucking hell John, I can’t go. Oh my God. It’s actually fucked. I’m spewing that you’re forcing me to go and enjoy this smorgasbord of song and dance.”

Mr Coate’s eyes widened.

“Yes!” he screamed at an uncomfortable volume, startling a number of reporters.

“We’re going to the Opening Ceremony and it will be magical!”

One police officer present took his telescopic baton from its holster and he whipped it out.

“Hey! What are you going to do with that? Huh? You wanna smack me?”

Just as the policeman was about to oblige the scream Coates, the Olympic Communications director called an end to the press conference.

More to come.


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