HE’LL TRY ANYTHING: The off-chance that Australia might nab a few Olympic gold medals at the Tokyo Hunger Games over the next fortnight might be the only reprieve that Scotty From Marketing has from an unflattering news cycle that has finally cottoned on to how bad he is at leading our country during a major crisis.

With 15 million in lockdown due to a third wave caused by leaky private sector quarantine facilities exposing unvaccinated transport workers to community transmissions in May, the PM is well and truly facing backlash for a frustrated nation that is sick of the buck passing.

Of the 124 new cases announced in Sydney today, 3 were staff members across two aged care homes. They were unvaccinated. 5 people at a disability group home have tested positive – residents and staff. All of them had only 1 dose.

However, there are growing fears Morrison is going to be able to sporting success his way out of this scrutiny, with the opening ceremony of the Tokyo Olympics just days away.

The Federal Opposition Leader, whose full name is Anthony Albanese MP in case you only get your news updates from the 70% of the Australia media market that is solely serviced by Rupert Murdoch, has today made a plea to Australians to not get caught up in the spin.

Speaking to the three or four journalists in all of Tasmania whose editors allowed them to attend Labor press conferences, Albo has begged the public to please not let the off-chance that win a gold medal in pump track BMX distract them from the fuck that we have a Prime Minister who doesn’t hold a hose, and doesn’t think it’s a race.

While the ideal scenario for the Prime Minister is the news cycle zoning in on another euphoric Olympic moment like historic Cathy’s 400 metre gold medal in Sydney, it seems unlikely with the clashing time zones.

“But he’ll still try it on with whatever medals we get” says Albo.

“Matthew Wearn is a good shot in the men’s laser class sailing”

“Or Laetisha Scanlan and James Willett in the mixed trap shooting”

“While these medals will mark incredible achievements if they come to fruition… Don’t let this bumbling crook use it as a decoy”

“Keep giving it to the bastard!”


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