One local lefty, Milton Mearson (33) has today saved the world, after posting a passionate and extremely opinionated Facebook status to all of his 500 Facebook friends, about stuff that they would all pretty much feel the same way as him about.

Pre-cursing the status with “I don’t usually post this kind of thing of Facebook” – Milton then used close to 1000 words to articulate the way he was feeling about certain issues within the currently volatile Australian political arena.

Milton also finished his status with “anyone who disagrees with this is a psychopath” – to truly emphasise his willingness to engage all opponents of his position.

However, deep under his brash armour of identity politics, Milton has a secret that could end it all. His brief flutter as an authority on woke terminology and extremely white takes on learnt oppressive structures could crumble in front of him.

Because in 2008, Milton attended a dress up party as a member of the Jackson 5, in full blackface.

While he will never publicly acknowledge it, and had considered making his old high school friends sign NDAs, Milton knows this photo exists somewhere.

It is believed in the Trump era of internet communication, ‘virtue signalling’ has been particularly high amongst flat white-drinking leftys who are comfortable enough in their own inner-city households to have an opinion on everything.

This is why Milton has to be careful. Because he hasn’t always been this woke. But still, he strives for social capital with his hyper political tweets.

When asked if he thought his status was pointless, considering that his Facebook newsfeed has become an echo chamber of people who pretty much agree with him anyway, Milton responded by saying it’s not just him, everyone in the world is thinking what he’s thinking and if they aren’t then they are rednecks who like Chris Lilley.



  1. Yea, I’ve relied on the Betoota Advocate to keep me abreast all of the truly cutting edge investigative journalism. I took over Dads subscription which he started in 1847 and its always been searching and destroying in places lesser Journalists have feared to tread.


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