Embattled Australian telco provider Optus has gone above and beyond in their efforts to acknowledge the “patience and loyalty” of their customers after a nightmare week.

Optus announced yesterday that they will provide eligible customers with a handful of magic beans as compensation for the nationwide outage on Wednesday that impacted more than 10 million Australians and lasted for more than 12 hours.

CEO Kelly Bayer Rosmarin said Optus decided the handful of magic beans, which is valued at a price set by Optus and nobody else, was of “much greater value” than refunding customers.

On top of that, all customers will have unlimited access to magic beans on weekends until the end of the year, which is like 6 weeks, so, 12 more days, of which most people will be at home anyway.

Eligible customers will have until the end of the year to activate the initial free lump sum of magic beans, which will be available from Monday, November 13 – and can be planted in soil or ingested orally for a whole range of surprising benefits that cannot exactly be measured.

Optus said affected customers will be able to see “more details” about the offer and how to use the magic beans on Monday, but has not provided details about the eligibility criteria customers must meet in order to access the magic beans.

A spokesperson for the company said businesses who were “uniquely impacted” by the outage should contact the Optus Business Centre, and maybe they’ll be able to get their hands on exclusive jars of snake oil, that can be used whichever way they want to use them, as a way of saying sorry about the hundreds of millions of dollars that a major telecommunications company turning off for 9 hours has cost Australian economy.


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