ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The defacto leader of Western Australia, Mark McGowan, has ordered the Tusken Raiders protecting the border to stand down at midnight on December 8.

McGowan ordered the borders open after news that the virus has been vanquished in the East finally reaches the sand-swept territories to the West.

However, McGowan was quick to remind the brave warriors on the border that the well-bread people of South Australia with their massive foreheads and creepy accents aren’t allowed in yet.

“I welcome the news of the spicy cough’s demise in the East,” said McGowan.

“I commend those who fought on the front lines against it. They fought a tough battle and they won. Special mention to Dan Andrews and Annastasia. They did a great job. Gladys, once again, thank you for the Ruby Princess. Stellar job there. So many dead people thanks to your government,”

“And Fernwood Morrison. Thanks for nothing. That’s all I need to say.”

With that Premier McGowan took the State Kazoo from his pocket and blew as hard as he could.

“People of the West! Come home!” he yelled.

More to come.


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